on being thick skinned

Are you thick skinned?

Can people say- or do- things and you allow it to simply slide off your back without pain, whether it was intended or not? Can some of the things that people do, cause you to wonder, or do you simply shrug and move on?
Yesterday, I had a reason to go and speak with one of the managers where I work. They were busy with one of their supervisors but acknowledged my presence. I told them why I was there, the supervisor knew what I was talking about, said he would check on it. I started to say something else but  the manager had already went back to what they were talking about when I walked up. I had been dismissed. Now, I could have brooded over that, but I had accomplished my goal, so really there was no more need for conversation. Even though I will admit that it stung a bit at first, I don't harbor any ill will over the incident. How would you have reacted?
 When you in a conversation with someone face to face, you hear their voice, the emotion, the inflection, seeing their body language, you usually can understand what they are saying and how they feel. This is not so with texting, or posting status comments on the various social media sites, or even in emails. Typed out, they are words, black on white, without emotions and easily misunderstood. Those little smiley faces really don't help.   How many times have you read something that was posted thinking it was about you when it wasn't? But you were positive for a time, that it was....how did you react? What about when you were told that you got it all wrong? Did your feelings change?

 It is important that we have a certain amount of thick skin in this life. Partly because people being people, say things in ignorance. They act, most often without malice, but without thinking it through before they speak or act. While I admit there are those who say things out of deliberate cruelty, to respond in anger is only feeding their malicious side. To be able to hear or read something that could potentially be hurtful and to walk away without responding in a way that could escalate the problem, shows a good level of maturity. 

It is also important to realize that even the spoken word can be misunderstood. Using the work place like my above example. You approach the manager to ask a question or report a problem, and the response you receive strikes you wrongly.  Before you get bent out of shape, stop and think, did you interrupt something important? Did they need to finish what they were doing at that moment because it was something that was on a deadline? Were they distracted by this and not meaning to respond in a poor manner? Was their response without problem but for what ever reason, you took it wrongly- finding a problem when a problem wasn't there? Did you approach them expecting a problem therefore inventing the expected?

Staying in the workplace setting, consider the people you work with. At work, shopping, church, school, any where out in the world, you are going to run into all types of people. You will find different cultures who treat situations differently. You are going to find the ones who live their life differently, who have different personalities, who believe differently about everything. How you get along with them shows the person you are. If you can listen to a conversation that is peppered with language that you do not use or care for and not make a big deal out of it. If you can ignore those who try to stir up a pot of dissension with back handed comments and not fire ugliness back at them, shows your strength. If you can stand and know you are being lied to and not cause you to become belligerent, if you can withstand a supervisor handling a situation in a very irresponsible manner and not get into an ugly encounter, this shows your strength and level of thick skin. You can handle nearly any and all situations in a manner that doesn't create a bigger problem. That is what upper management and the human resource department is for.

If a person has problems with their self esteem, they can always find something wrong in their interactions with others. An innocent smile or laugh, thinking that you are being watched or talked about, feeling ignored and not realizing that it isn't you that is being ignored but they are handling other responsibilities that need their attention.

But if in the end, you do find that your so-called friends are deliberately being cruel, it is time for new friends. If you are in a work environment that practices or allows managers to be malicious and cruel, it is time for employment elsewhere if possible. If not, there are ways to draw attention to unfair and cruel practices. But that is for a different blog.

How thick skinned are you? Are you able to hear and ignore? Or do you take things to heart? What methods do you use to avoid problems or solve the ones you can't avoid?