ALL Lives Matter

Somewhere in the world, a baby is born. It could have been in a hospital, at home,  in the seat of a car barreling down the highway, along a journey trying to make it to a new life. A cry is heard from the infant, then quiet as this child snuggles close their mother. The mother looks at her child in awe, this new life that she helped create. A tear escapes as she wonders, what does the world hold for this precious life. How will this child be treated, because this child matters.

 No matter the race, no matter the nationality, no matter the gender, no matter all the many things that make us individuals, as humans we are the same and we matter. what of this child?

Will this child, grow up to be a teacher who will educate others? Who will strengthen the minds of those hungry for learning? Will this child as an adult shows the wonders of the world through learning to a new generation making them stronger and better intellectually? Will they help  the next great scientists, doctors, Nobel Prize winners?

Will this child be that doctor who saves lives? Who holds compassion and strength within to see the medical needs and do what is necessary to make the lives of others better. Will this child as a doctor use their gifts and talents in places where most doctors do not go, into the places where medical help is rare but so desperately needed. Will they give to others without worry of compensation?

Will this child, as a lawyer help the innocent? Will they protect the rights of the individual?

Will this child as a first responder save lives? As an officer of the law, will they serve and protect? Will they be there first in times of emergency? As paramedics, will they be there to take care of the sick or injured and get them to help immediately? Will they go into frightening situations, just to do what they know, to save someone? Will they as firefighters, go into burning buildings to rescue a life, valuable, just because they are? Will they rush into buildings, forests, approach burning cars, because that is what flows through their veins, the desire to help, to rescue, to save?

Will this child follow a calling and be a leader, a teacher, a servant in the faith? Will they in truth and understanding share the Gospel and share salvation's plan?

 This child deserves the chance, deserves the opportunity to live, to grow and to become what ever is their desire and hope.

 This child as a youth, deserves to be able to walk anywhere, to grow in all manners, to learn day by day the lessons life brings, without fear, without bullying, without worry of what the next moment may bring.

This child as an adult deserves to be able to carry out their day to day safely. No matter what their career, they deserve to be able to do all their job requires without fear, without the need for someone to have their back.

This child, this youth, this adult, deserves respect simply for their being human- right up until __the individual__does something to lose that respect. Then the individual should pay the cost of their mistake not an entire race or profession.

 ALL lives matter. We are ALL important in our own ways. We are here for a reason, a purpose that we may or may not know. But it is real, we are worthy, we matter..ALL of us matter. No matter the race, no matter the nationality, no matter the gender, no matter all of the many things that make us individuals, as human we are the same and we ALL matter.

Southern Battle Flag; fly it or hide it? What say you?

 There is currently a massive removal going on of the southern battle flag. I have thought about this all day and I'm still pondering my final decision on how I feel about the whole mess.

  The debate on the purpose of the flag will go on forever. It will go on because no matter what, people will find  a way to get that flag and comments will be made by those who see it. There are those who say it is part of southern history, it is that yes. There are those who will say that brave men fought under that flag, true.

 Was that flag though, a part of a war that was due to one part of the country encroaching on and trying to tell another part what, when and how to do what they've done for years, or was it to protect that right to keep slaves?  Was that flag a symbol of courage or a symbol of racism and hate?

  There are many voices crying out over this issue, from both sides. Both are right, both are wrong.

 The flag is a symbol of southern history, but it was never meant to be a symbol of hatred. Like other items in the past it has been taken by groups and individuals who thrive on hate, thrive on violence, thrive on the very things that tear apart a neighborhood, a region or a country.  The fact, and it is fact, that groups such as the klan took this flag and turned it into a symbol of something ugly has tarnished its meaning. I read that the swastika was a symbol of good luck until Hitler used it. Now no matter what its past was, it will forever be tied to Hitler and his movements. Now when one sees the swastika they immediately think one thing, and it isn't good luck. It has been used over and over for racist, hate filled reasons, and those are what people will always see.

 Sadly, it is the same with the Southern Battle Flag. It will be seen as someone meant to divide and destroy. It will not be seen as a part of history but a part of pain.  With each hate filled group or individual that uses the flag to promote their own agenda it only gets worse.

 My personal opinion is that the flag does not need to fly on government property. Its presence may bring a feel good moment to some, but to others who see the flag it brings pain and distress. But there is a problem with removing this flag, what precedent will that set? Are we not already so deep into political correctness that soon we may drown in it? It is impossible to not offend someone. No matter what you do, what you say, how you dress or act or what flag you fly, someone is going to be offended. If you try to remove or stop all activities that offend, we will be able to do nothing. We would be trapped in our own homes because our clothing offends, but then we can't run around naked because that offends...Muslims are offended by the Christian faith while  Christians are offended by the word that schools are going to begin teaching children about anal sex and masturbation. Blacks believe they are profiled by police and middle class whites think they are being forgotten and abused...

Where, do you draw the line?

 At what point do we turn around and say, while I realize my ___________ offends you, as long as my ______ is not illegal, immoral or indecent, I have a right to do, say, wear this and you have a right to not look. As long as my words and actions are not hurting others physically or emotionally, do I not have the right to speak? Which brings me back to the flag........our country has a lot of history, good, bad, ugly, history of strength and of heart. In that history there are a lot of symbols, removing them from sight, won't change that.

Maybe, its time we grew up a bit and realized that our strength, our heart, our spirit really can't be damaged by the sight of a flag, and move on to more important things. 

What is your reaction to the words............

health of body and mind- seeking a disease free life

What does one do, how are you supposed to feel, when they tell you, 'you have cancer'? Of course there is no one answer to that question as we are all different and going to have different reactions.

Me?

I already suspected when I sat down in that examining room that is what I was going to be told so when the words came I wasn't surprised. I wasn't afraid. I wasn't angry. Maybe I was in some form of denial or ignorance as to what was to come. Either way, once the words were spoken I looked at the surgeon and told her, "you know what it is. You know where it is. Take care of it."

And so my journey began. My journey to get rid of the cancer in my body and to regain my health.

 What ever you may wish to call it, my journey, my battle, my adventure, it was mild compared to what others have gone through. I had my surgery, then once healed enough I began radiation treatments. Six weeks later, I'm done with those and simply taking a daily dose of medicine. I did not require chemotherapy treatments. Something that I am still thankful for. The radiation was bad enough as it left me dragging and barely able to put one foot in front of the other and still remain upright. I had to change my diet because the wrong foods made the side effects of the radiation even worse.

 The one thing I was determined of though was that I was going to get my daily walk in. the only thing that stopped me was stormy weather. Otherwise I was out there walking and enjoying the land and sights around me. In the peace of those walks in the woods I saw flowers I had never noticed before, I saw insects that I didn't even know existed. I listened to the birds, watched the deer, rabbit and raccoon wandering in the woods. It eased my wounded and tired soul and lifted a weary spirit. No matter how tired I was, this was my medicine.

 I also worked on improving my diet. I didn't eat a lot, but what I was eating I wanted to be as healthy as possible. I went from eating junk food to fruits and vegetables. I went from sodas and highly sweetened coffee to water and almost black coffee. During the treatments I could only handle one cup of coffee a day, the rest was water. I'm now back to my constant cup of coffee but I refrained from returning to a daily diet of sweets.

  Being told that you have cancer, will bring about change. It can be voluntary or involuntary but there will be change. In how we act. In how we feel. In how we face the fight and how we face the  future. We can make it a change for the better. We can change the things that put us at risk, and work toward a healthier, longer life or we can ignore it and watch as our health deteriorates and changes things for us. I wanted to be around for my family, my changes I think were for the better even as I do need to exercise even more because the exercises aren't just for the body, they help the mind as well.

 How do you feel, how do you react when you are told you have cancer? I hope that you never are. I hope that through education there is prevention. I hope through research there is a cure. I hope, that we finish this fight and there is no more cancer.

 So I participate in Relay for Life. I fundraise and I help raise awareness and I work toward getting people to join and help. Through their time, through their talents, through their dollars. Together we can beat this. together we can win. together, we can see to it that no one else has to wonder how they would react should they be told.............

Learning- an exercise in the fight

One can read all of the books, all of the articles and watch all of the videos that can be found on the topic, but still the best lessons and understanding comes from personal experience. You tend to learn more, when you do it yourself. You remember better when you have first hand experience with what ever it is you are trying to understand.

 When learning to drive a stick shift?  Get behind the wheel of a car,  in a safe place, and with some one with a ton of patience, start driving. Want do learn photography? Get a camera and start taking photographs. Want to learn to cook? Grab a cookbook and the needed ingredients and begin. Yes, there are some things that one needs extended education for, as I really wouldn't want to go into surgery and hear the doctor tell an attending nurse this was his first time but "Hey, you gotta start somewhere".

 But what about cancer? Yes, you can read, and view and listen, but all of that is cold and static. I would never, ever wish anyone to go through cancer. I would never wish anyone to have to take care of one with cancer. And yet, because cancer does eventually touch us all- we need to know. We need to know how to take care of ourselves and we need to know how to take care of those we love. More importantly, we need to learn ways to try to prevent cancer to begin with.

  We have become a much more static society. We work, then we go home and sit down somewhere, rising only to go to bed. Many have office jobs that mean sitting for long stretches of time. There is a tendency to not play sports, to not ride bikes, to not get out and enjoy the great outdoors like there once was. Exercise is one of the keys to being more healthy and preventing some cancers.

  We have become a people who love fast food. Whether this food comes from a so called, fast food restaurant or some processed something or other that we can pop into the microwave and have in minutes. Products loaded with sugars, sodium and an unknown listing of chemical additives. We no longer know what all we are putting into our systems. That needs to change. We need to know exactly what we are eating and how much. When we consume the proper amount of the right foods-real foods- then our body can function much better and with a lot greater risk of cancer.

 We are tense. We are stressed out to the maximum amounts without knowing how to combat it effectively. The pressure of our jobs, or the stress of not having a job. The way traffic is on the roads. The relationships that we have with others. All of these and more contribute to the stress in our lives. We need to know what can be done to ease the problem of stress which does help to prevent come cancers.

  No two people are alike, which means that not every good thing works for every one. We can do all of this that we possibly can and it still not prevent cancer. Or we can do this, and we're fine. We have to learn as many ways as possible, for our own good and the good of those we love.

  What do we do, where do we go, who do we talk with, if we have been diagnosed?

  What if someone we know has been diagnosed? What do we do? How do we help? What about those we don't personally know, but we know are out there and we want to help.. how?

    Where do we go to learn what we need to know? Who can we talk with? Where are the answers?

     Again, each person is different, so the answers are all different. I believe that is one thing that is making curing cancer difficult. But there are researchers out there who are searching and finding that nest step forward. Medicines are being created, treatments honed, people cared for.

  But- everything takes money. When you are doing research, when you are driving a vehicle taking a warrior to appointments, when you are doing all you can to educate through videos, pamphlets or appearances, it takes money. To print, for materials, for fuel, for any of the many number of items that care for those in need.

 That is one of the reasons I relay, that is why I have been a part of this for so long. That and the fact that I am a survivor and I want to see a sea of purple shirts at Relay and know that they too have made it. So I write, and I ask, and I beg, and I continue on doing what I can to help the many who are determined to finish the fight and see an end to cancer.

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccarevels

    

 

words and actions of compassion

If you know me in any way, you know how I feel about being compassionate toward others. There are times when I read or see things, that I fear compassion should be on the endangered list. It has become too easy to become and remain angry. It has become and remains too easy to see and still walk away, thinking that is not our problem, let someone else take care of it. With the mindset of many people, there is also the fear that, should one try to help and something go wrong, there could be a lawsuit against them. It is important that we move away from these concerns and back to caring about others. That is the only way we can be a difference for those around us.

 Not all of us have grown cold and indifferent. There are still those who have hearts big enough to ignore the possibilities of backlash and reach out to assist those in need. I know of a person who, along with a couple others, tried to rescue two people from a burning car. They ignored the risks and dangers to themselves to try to save those people. They were unable to and carry the memories to this day.

 I know of another, who watched as a young person approached people ahead of them asking for money for food. Everyone passed him by without giving him anything, some commenting, others not saying a word. When we got to where he was standing he began asking us. The person I was with told him that they would not give him any money, but they would buy him a meal. Many times people fear that the money given is going to something other than what it is asked for. This young person very gratefully accepted the offer and could not say thank you often enough. A couple of dollars spent, an entire day and attitude was changed.

It doesn't always take great and grand actions to show compassion. It doesn't always take a bankroll of money to show one cares.

Locally, there is a weekend (sometimes two) once a year called Inasmuch, where churches have activities that are all about compassion, reaching out and helping those in need. They've done everything from holding car washes to raise money for others, to clearing yards, to sorting clothes in a shelter, to rebuilding a house. These are just a few examples among the many varied activities that have taken place. Each and every one making a difference somewhere to some degree.

Words are fine, words draw attention to the needs that are around us. Words alone though will accomplish nothing unless they are matched with action.

You tell someone that you saw the homeless person looking very cold. Now they know there is a cold homeless person out there, but that person is still cold. You could, see the homeless, share a good coat that you no longer use- or bought just for them- then go out and tell others there is a need for coats for those who are cold. You can collect coats for the children going to school who have no outer wear fit for the temperatures we are suffering through currently.

 You could see a person whose home is in need of repair or yard work done. You can write a letter to the paper in complaint, you can call the city to complain. Now it is known, but unless this person is simply not doing the work, there may be a reason these needs are there. One could check to see if the inhabitant is unable physically to accomplish the needs. If that is the case, others can gather and acting as one, do the necessary work.

Words are good, they inform and notify. But words are useless unless they are backed by actions. While most of us cannot do much for those who are suffering under the horrors of war, and terrorism,  we can find ways to let those who can, know that we are appalled by what we are hearing about. To remain silent is to accept and condone. In this, words are our tools, our weapons, our actions. Many as one, getting things accomplished, in a way of peace. In a way of hope. In ways of education. In a way of determination.

When the roof starts leaking at work

What should you do when the roof suddenly starts leaking at where you work?

Here are some things to consider.

Do--find buckets or other containers to catch the water.

Don't -- use the water to take a shower.

Do--report the leak.

Don't-- make paper boats and have sailing competitions.

Do--find a mop and clean up the water.

Don't--start a sing-a-long of dancing in the rain.

Do--make sure that there are "wet floor" signs in place.

Don't--tie a string to a pencil and go fishing.

Do--make sure that there is nothing electrical at risk.

Don't--step in the water just so you can make footprints across the floor.

Do-- move anything that shouldn't get wet.

Don't-- climb into a cardboard box and shout "I'm going over the falls!!"

What other suggestions- do or don't- can you come up with?

On Educating Ourselves on Cancer Causes

I read this article moments ago, http://radio.foxnews.com/2015/01/02/23-of-cancer-cases-just-bad-luck/ . This article states that 2/3 of cancer is just bad luck. A random mutation of genes. I was disappointed in reading this as this article is a destroyer of hope.

I am not a scientist, nor am I a doctor. I am one who reads extensively, however about cancer and ways to fight it due to being a survivor myself. The best way to fight an enemy, is to learn about your enemy. When you learn the causes, the risk that you as an individual face, and ways to prevent and fight, half of your battle is won.

Yes, cancer is a mutation of cells, but there are many causes for this mutation. To lump it largely under bad luck is presumptuous and wrong. The American Cancer Society has a web page filled with information. This is a link to their page on causes of cancer: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancercauses/index

The Mayo Clinic discussing gene mutation and cancer risks: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/basics/causes/con-20032378

The National Cancer Institute has this list of informational topics: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/causes

To inform and arm oneself is important and vital. To do otherwise is to walk around in a state of denial and risk.  Our lives have changed immensely over the years. We have created many different things and ways with the purpose of  making our life better, but there are dangers in those very things.

What are they putting in those processed foods?

What are they injecting and feeding livestock?

What are they spraying on fruits and vegetables?

How are they mutating those same vegetables?

How many different ways is sugar hidden in our foods?

What dangers reside in plastics that we use every day for storing, eating and drinking from?

What chemicals do we come into contact with every day in our day to day living?

Are we eating junk, or are we eating a diet that will sustain good health?

Are we exercising or do we have an affair going on with our couch and television?

These are only a few of the question and thoughts to consider.

Yes, genetics can and does play a part in our risk of having cancer, but that is a small risk compared to the many other factors. Bad luck not even being considered.

When we educate ourselves, we equip ourselves for battle. We can work to prevent it, we can work to fight it, and we can work to win. But we have to know what and how to fight.

In there, we also need to support those who are working hard toward finding more and better ways to fight. To not support the doctors, scientist and lay person working diligently, is as much a state of denial as is the risks faced personally.

One of the Things

Diet.

When you hear that word, what is the first thought that comes to mind? Do you cringe, thinking, starvation and suffering?

Diet, does not necessarily mean going hungry. Diet is something that we all do, every day. It is how we eat. If we eat healthy, we have a healthy diet. Of course the opposite is also true.

In 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I did not have to undergo chemotherapy, but I did need radiation treatments. Before the diagnoses I honestly could consume entire, large bags of chocolate candy in a single day. I love my sodas and if it was microwaveable, that was dinner. Then came the diagnoses. The cancer and the surgery didn't scare me, the radiation on the other hand about did me in. I quickly learned that what I ate, affected how I felt. I had to learn, correct and adapt if I were going to make it through the treatments.

I love coffee. I can and do drink coffee from moments after I get up until I call it a night. While undergoing the radiation I could not do this. I could handle one cup, but after that it had to be water only. Caffeine was not my friend. Instead of increasing energy levels, it did the opposite. It left a bad taste in my mouth and sapped my energy quickly.

Junk food was a main staple in my day to day eating habits. Candy, pastries, processed foods, I couldn't get enough. The greater the sugar content the better. This however did the same as caffeine. There was no sugar rush, it was simply crash and burn. It got to where it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other. I had to work, so obviously this would never be acceptable. I had to find a solution and quickly.

The coffee/caffeine as I said went to being water only. I drank a lot of water. The junk food was given up for fruit. I could get a sweet enough taste from various fruits that helped ease my cravings for junk. The best part, no more crash and burn.

I read a lot of reports and findings. I have repeatedly read how sugar feeds cancer. Sugar lurks in our foods in many hidden forms and under many different aliases. Foods that you would not suspect of being heavily sugared are. We need to learn these and watch for them. Raw or steamed vegetables are important. Fruits and vegetables of different colors are good for different reasons. Each carry their own benefits to our body. Each fight various cancers in their own way. Some are better raw, some are better lightly cooked, some are better fresh while others hold up better frozen. Processed foods should have no place in your diet. They are loaded with salt, sugar, unpronounceable ingredients that can't be good for you and, some of the things that containers are made of, leech into the foods.

A few years have passed since my diagnoses and I'm fine. While I'm back to drinking a lot of coffee- which has been reported to actually be good for you-I do still consume water and no sodas. I do give in occasionally and purchase some type of junk food, but its rare. As far as processed foods, you will find very little of that anywhere in my house. I have gone back to that old fashioned way of cooking as close to scratch as possible. I often get teased about how much fruit I eat, I simply smile and let it go. A doctor told me that I needed to avoid dairy products and eggs. I balked at this for a while, but when I started drinking unsweetened almond milk I did start feeling better. Breakfast without eggs, is now steel cut oatmeal, blueberries and raspberries with a teaspoon spoonful of flax seed and a spoonful of walnut pieces.

You may by now be asking, what does all this prove? While I may have been cancer free, my cholesterol levels were creeping up in a hurry. My overall cholesterol at last check had rose to something over 228. While that isn't a breath stealing number, the fact that it was going up at all concerned me. That was when my diet really began to change to completely natural. I had my cholesterol checked a couple of days ago- it has dropped to 218. No medications, all diet and vitamins, along with taking the time to educate myself on ways to eat and live better.

That is one of the many things that Relay for Life is all about. Education and healthier living.

bad weather and a few suggested ways to handle it

As the song goes, the weather outside is frightful...

Here in the Piedmont of North Carolina, we are not accustomed to the frozen stuff. Occasionally we will get a minute amount of snow, but most times the bad weather misses us here. Not this time, it is currently sleeting heavily outside, I'm listening to it pounding the window as I type. The power has blinked once and came back on. The odds of it going off and staying off, are probably pretty good at this point. 

 As a young person, growing up in this very house, I remember times of power outage and how we handled it. I recall our mother cooking hamburgers on a camping stove using a camping lantern to see by. We wrapped in blankets and gathered in the living room trying to stay warm.

 Here I am an adult, sitting here listening to the storm outside and wondering if I'm prepared enough for this.

 I have two battery operated lanterns that I purchased more batteries for. I also have hurricane oil lamps, oil and matches.

 I purchased a small battery operated lantern to leave in the bathroom.

We have a wood stove to keep heat in the house and if I have to I can cook on it as long as I'm not in a big hurry. I can also heat water on it for coffee.

 I've collected water in plastic jugs for cooking, drinking and coffee.

I left a tub full of water for flushing.

We have bread and milk.

 I dug my winter boots out of the closet, and dusted off the big coat I like to wear when the weather wants to drop frozen down upon us.

I have plenty of food that can be prepared on the wood stove or on the grill. (I'm hoping that we have enough gas in the grill)

We have canned foods that are easily prepared.

I have extra blankets and quilts. 

 Inside I'm ready, I'm not so sure about outside, because I'm not so sure I want to be out there. But, for those who must, (and I will probably be among them in the morning.) here are a few ideas to consider.

Make sure you have plenty of fuel in the vehicle, and that you have kept it maintained. A full tank of fuel doesn't help if your battery is dead.

Have an emergency kit in your vehicle. It should have a flashlight, a snack and drink, a blanket, gloves, dry socks, hand warmers, among the many options.

Make sure to keep your phone charged at all times. Invest in a car charger for your phone.

Let someone know of your travel plans even if its only to work.

At work..

Remain focused on the job.

Make sure that any and all sidewalks are safe.

Be there if you can but practice common sense, especially if the roads are bad.

Dress for the weather, but be prepared to change into work clothes.

Bad weather can cause problems all around. If you remain calm and cool. If the power goes, there are ways to survive. You might even find the vacation from electronics a welcome change.

Valentine's Day- flowers and candy and cards aren't the gifts that are important

An open letter about relationships and Valentine's Day

Good morning all-
 My husband made it home last night, (for those who do not know, he is a long haul truck driver) he's got a delivery to make this morning then he will be back. This will be the first Valentine's Day we've been together in a while. He told me last night he started to order flowers for me but remembered I don't care for cut flowers, I prefer something I can put in the ground and see again and again. Besides, his just being home is special enough.
 Last night when my son and I had to make a run to wally world, even in our hurry I couldn't help but notice some things.

 The packed parking area as we arrived.
The crowd around the jewelry counter, in places they were packed back three and four deep waiting their turn.
 The emptied card racks.
 The multitude of guys purchasing stuffed animals and flowers.

 Flowers that would normally cost less, nearly doubled in price for this one day.
 Folks almost frantically hurrying around looking for what ever was left that will be suitably special for today.

Really?

Do we really need to go overboard on this one day to try and -prove- our love for another? Does a flower arrangement and box of candy on one day mean all that much? For the young, or not so young, why do we allow retailers to do this to us? Consider this if you will..

Talk with each other, respectfully. Conversations are amazing things when done properly. A sharing of thoughts and ideas that show you appreciate the other person's point of view, their ideas and concerns. Do not, laugh at, or belittle the other person's thoughts and ideas no matter how far off from yours they may be. Try and see their perspective. Listen to the hopes and dreams they may have and try and understand what they mean to that person. If you see them working toward achieving that dream, help them by encouraging and supporting them in ways they need.

Spend time with each other. Yes, that does mean putting electronic devices away for a time. It does mean that when you hear that notification sound that you have a message, you ignore it. It means doing things together. Take a walk, go window shopping, go to an event, go to dinner, just go and be with the person you are with, not with someone on the other end of a phone. Sit at home and watch a movie, watch the sunset or sun rise, play an old fashioned board game. Sit, and snuggle, and enjoy the moment.

Do something for the other. Load the dishwasher, fold a load of towels, (take time to learn the preferred way your significant other wants it done and do it that way). Go outside and take care of a chore that the other hates, if you are physically able, don't hurt yourself, that would accomplish nothing. Prepare a meal, or a drink for the other. If they are looking for something, a misplaced hat, glasses, paperwork, what ever.. help find it- with out or with as little complaining as possible.

Take care of them if they get sick, whether it is a head cold or cancer. Let them know you are there, no matter what they need, from tissue to some one to hold them and let them cry out their fears and pain. Let them know you will always be there- and mean it.

Its the every day acts that really count. Its the showing of respect and love that count. Its the being there for the day to day that counts. A sixty dollar bunch of roses will fade and die. A piece of jewelry will lose its shine over time. Stuffed animals and cards will wear and end up tossed away. But a real love, even as it ages- especially as it ages- will grow stronger. The signs of wear and tear on those involved, will be marks of beauty, badges of courage and endurance. The tattered edges showing that you went through a storm and came out stronger, better, still and more in love. 

 Its the day to day talking it out and coming to an understanding.

 Its the acceptance that the other person has quirks and idiosyncrasies that make them special and worth the trials and troubles that come with any relationship. 

 It isn't a one day thing, it is a life time adventure.

Honesty, a game of what if and would you...

How important is honesty? Is it something that you value? Is it something that you look for in others? What importance is there, in those you know being honest?

Honesty in a coworker, how much value do you place on that? Its a fact that no matter how well you know your coworkers, you still only know a limited amount. You know what they allow you to know. What happens, when you find out that you may not be able to trust them fully? What if, you trusted them with a some information and they betrayed you? You really were wanting to surprise that certain someone and well, since the cat is out of the bag because someone told, there is no surprise. What if you were considering a move of some sort, and trusting them to remain quite until you finalized your plans and they told. If it were a job change, you could find yourself changing before you wanted, had your eye on a certain house only to have it bought before you could move...What if, you trusted them enough to let them find out you had more money with you than you usually carry, only suddenly, that money has disappeared.

 What if, you don't know who the dishonest person is? What if, suddenly things that you need on the job begin disappearing? You go to get a certain tool or machine part and its gone. You know exactly where you left it- you left it exactly where you have left things before, in a place that they are supposed to be, only it isn't there.

 What if, someone is starting rumors, half-truth stories and out right lies, but no one knows where the stories are starting.

 Would you begin to wonder who you could trust? Would it cause you to act differently around everyone until the real villain could be discovered?

What if, you are the employer? You have interviews waiting. You have in your hand the application they filled out and you are reading over the information. Would you trust that everything is accurate and honest? What if, a background check lead you to information that shows a shady past? Do you trust that this person has learned and changed? Do you hire someone who has legal issues, yet watch them closely? Do you have time, to watch them closely?

 What if, they are honest enough to admit openly their legal issues? How do you react if those issues were something that went against some of your core beliefs? Would you, could you trust them that they have resolved those issues in some manner?

 Does it depend on the job? Are honesty issues more important in some jobs more than others? Does it matter if you are working in a bank where employees have access to untold millions of dollars or personal information? What if its a manufacturing plant, where cars, building materials, medical equipment or even food supplies are created? Would you be able to trust someone with a shaded past? What if, you find out that someone you trusted, was not worthy of that trust? What do you do then?

What about the medical profession? How important is honesty in your doctor(s)? What if, you overhear the nurse telling the doctor or others on staff something that you didn't want told, or something that isn't true? Would you want your doctor telling you straight up if you are suffering from a condition that is terminal and their best estimate of time left?

 What about honesty in the condition itself? What if, you discovered that you were being used as a medical experiment of sorts? They weren't sure if the medication would work, or how it works so they gave it to you simply to find out.

 Do you, fully trust your medical care to know what they are doing, what if, you find out they don't?

What if, you need work done on your home or your vehicle? How do you know who you can trust to do the work? Do you trust reviews of others? What if, you are trusting someone to do work that has to be right for the sake of safety? Would you trust just any electrician to wire your home or replace the brakes on your vehicle?

Honesty in a family member, what happens if you don't find it? If you knew, that there was a member of your family that was less than honest, would you trust them? Would you allow them use of your bank cards, or access to your computer passwords? Would you trust them not to wreck havoc on various areas of your life? Would you trust them around your valuables? Would those cherished items that you inherited from loved ones, or the treasures you found along life's way be safe around them? Would you trust them, to watch your young children?

This is obviously a short and limited list, it could go on but the point is made except for the one remaining question.

How honest, are you? What if, you are among the many examples above? Would you see yourself, do you see yourself? How does it make you feel now?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You say that like its a bad thing

Obsessive

Compulsive

Disorder

Not too long ago I stood quietly in one of the major stores and watched, as a lady who did not work there, methodically arranged the items on the shelves. She began with the top shelf on the end, worked her way down to the bottom shelf and then moved to the next group. Slowly making her way down the aisle, lining the products up perfectly. I waited until she was far enough away I could remove the three products I needed and run. I knew the minute she noticed it would begin again. But the shelves looked great, the items were presented perfectly, I could easily get what I wanted, my eyes were drawn to the various products waiting my selection, it was perfect, right up until I made me selection, and ran.

I told that story once before and got into a lot of trouble with a friend who is OCD. They felt as if I were ridiculing the lady and I wasn't. They told me they were OCD and did not appreciate my sense of humor. I tried to tell them honestly, that I too am OCD and the last thing I was trying to do was make fun of the person. Did I smile and internally, shake my head? Yes, I actually did. But not because I thought it humorous, but because I could understand to a degree what she felt.

Being OCD is not always a bad thing. Those with OCD, most likely have nice, organized, and very clean homes. Their yards are probably immaculate, their tools in perfect alignment. Their cars kept in mint condition and parked perfectly.

When an OCD person goes shopping, some are probably like the person in the above story, others will place items in their cart just so, when it comes time to pay the items go on the conveyor a certain way, in bags a special way, and back in the cart in order according to preference.

Each step done in order, each action a precision movement meant to accomplish a task in a certain manner. Done in the exact same way, time after time, after time.

Many years ago my son was seeing a doctor, we thought he may have food allergies so the doctor instructed me to write down everything he consumed. when we returned for the next visit, I handed him the list. He asked what it was. I told him that it was the list of everything he had eaten. The doctor looked at the list, looked at me and asked if I ever did anything more than once. I admitted to returning to assure myself I had turned off the stove. That was when he diagnosed me as OCD. Okay fine, tell me something I don't know. While my level of OCD isn't debilitating, it can and does make things interesting- and frustrating- from time to time.

Take work. After twenty-five years on the job I know the procedures, the rules and the expectations. After twenty-five years I have lost count of how many times I've listened to the lectures on what is expected from each employee. I will admit that watching people doing things that are not following along with the set procedures makes me a varying level of stressed. But I'm learning.

While I obviously can only speak for myself, I'm realizing my that my level of OCD also has its good points. I do- to the best of my ability- everything in a certain order at work. When I do that, I accomplish more as I can see what I have and haven't finished. My job is somewhat organized and easily managed. I can do something there that I cannot do at home- find things. I know easily the passage of time with limited clock watching. I know what is going on so I can better explain to others what they need to know. Just to name a few things.

I have to admit that it took me a while to adjust to not being able to park in the exact same place every day as I had been doing. Parking in the same place, in the same direction, at the same time. Now I deliberately park in different parts of the parking area, in different directions. At first that ruined my days, now it stimulates the brain and makes me think, trying to remember where I last left the car.

Obsessive, Compulsive, Disorder.. is not always a bad thing. It can and does make life interesting. It can and does make work a challenge but also and adventure.

We will fight

Cancer, this is an open letter to you.

This morning as I was preparing to leave for work, I received a phone call, you're at it again I hear. Someone that is dear and special- as everyone is to someone- is battling you. They have not been told how long they have, only that they will be moved from the hospital to Hospice. Cancer how dare you do this? I know that you do not discriminate, you do not care whether the person you go after is an adult or a child. You do not care if the person is a mother, father, grandparent, husband, wife or any other member of the family. You do not care how badly this person is loved or needed. You reach out and infect, spreading your disease, effectively doing harm or even causing death. Taking away your victim no matter how badly they are needed or wanted.

 Damn you cancer, you cause so much pain. I'm tired of hearing about you, but I am not tired of fighting you. I will not stop, no matter what, I will fight you as long as I am physically able to fight. As long as my mind is clear to think and to plan, I will fight you. I have grown weary of hearing just how many you claim. Not because I am bored or do not care, but because you think you are winning. You aren't, you know. I read an article where cancer deaths are down. How does that make you feel? Is that why you reached out and are trying to take this person? To prove the article wrong?

 I have been quite for a while, working in the background, trying to do what I can to fight you. Trying to plot and to plan and to come up with ways to fight. I try to write and discuss educational ways to prevent you. To share ways to fight you. I try to encourage those who are fighting to never give up. We haven't you know? You may think so, but you'd be wrong.

 I am not alone. There are many who have joined together to fight you. They are there, doing the same things that I am, doing more than I am. We will beat you. The day will come when you are heard only in the reading of medical books or videos. They will discuss the problems you caused and then how you were eradicated.

 Damn you cancer. I don't know if you will claim this person. I know they have decided to stop treatments. I imagine they are at peace with their decision and ready to go home. I'm not. I hear the pain in the voice of those who love this person. I hear as they try to hide and fight their tears. I hear as they discuss the plans of taking care of this person. Leave them alone cancer, leave them here with us. I know though, if it is their time they will go, I only hope that it is not. I only hope and pray that the ones who love this person get more time with them. I hope they get to hold them close, speak to and listen to them as long as they desire.

 Just remember this cancer, I will fight you. With all that I have, I will fight you. I will do what I can, when I can, as I can to fight you. I will join with others in the battle for one is strong, many are stronger. We will see an end to you. Maybe not in my time, but it will come. Take note of that cancer, your demise will come and no more will others hear the diagnoses that they have cancer. No more will there be people trying to take care of loved ones, no more will people be mourning the loss of loved ones because of you. Remember cancer.. we will fight, we will finish the fight, we will beat you. Count on it.

on being thick skinned

Are you thick skinned?

Can people say- or do- things and you allow it to simply slide off your back without pain, whether it was intended or not? Can some of the things that people do, cause you to wonder, or do you simply shrug and move on?
Yesterday, I had a reason to go and speak with one of the managers where I work. They were busy with one of their supervisors but acknowledged my presence. I told them why I was there, the supervisor knew what I was talking about, said he would check on it. I started to say something else but  the manager had already went back to what they were talking about when I walked up. I had been dismissed. Now, I could have brooded over that, but I had accomplished my goal, so really there was no more need for conversation. Even though I will admit that it stung a bit at first, I don't harbor any ill will over the incident. How would you have reacted?
 When you in a conversation with someone face to face, you hear their voice, the emotion, the inflection, seeing their body language, you usually can understand what they are saying and how they feel. This is not so with texting, or posting status comments on the various social media sites, or even in emails. Typed out, they are words, black on white, without emotions and easily misunderstood. Those little smiley faces really don't help.   How many times have you read something that was posted thinking it was about you when it wasn't? But you were positive for a time, that it was....how did you react? What about when you were told that you got it all wrong? Did your feelings change?

 It is important that we have a certain amount of thick skin in this life. Partly because people being people, say things in ignorance. They act, most often without malice, but without thinking it through before they speak or act. While I admit there are those who say things out of deliberate cruelty, to respond in anger is only feeding their malicious side. To be able to hear or read something that could potentially be hurtful and to walk away without responding in a way that could escalate the problem, shows a good level of maturity. 

It is also important to realize that even the spoken word can be misunderstood. Using the work place like my above example. You approach the manager to ask a question or report a problem, and the response you receive strikes you wrongly.  Before you get bent out of shape, stop and think, did you interrupt something important? Did they need to finish what they were doing at that moment because it was something that was on a deadline? Were they distracted by this and not meaning to respond in a poor manner? Was their response without problem but for what ever reason, you took it wrongly- finding a problem when a problem wasn't there? Did you approach them expecting a problem therefore inventing the expected?

Staying in the workplace setting, consider the people you work with. At work, shopping, church, school, any where out in the world, you are going to run into all types of people. You will find different cultures who treat situations differently. You are going to find the ones who live their life differently, who have different personalities, who believe differently about everything. How you get along with them shows the person you are. If you can listen to a conversation that is peppered with language that you do not use or care for and not make a big deal out of it. If you can ignore those who try to stir up a pot of dissension with back handed comments and not fire ugliness back at them, shows your strength. If you can stand and know you are being lied to and not cause you to become belligerent, if you can withstand a supervisor handling a situation in a very irresponsible manner and not get into an ugly encounter, this shows your strength and level of thick skin. You can handle nearly any and all situations in a manner that doesn't create a bigger problem. That is what upper management and the human resource department is for.

If a person has problems with their self esteem, they can always find something wrong in their interactions with others. An innocent smile or laugh, thinking that you are being watched or talked about, feeling ignored and not realizing that it isn't you that is being ignored but they are handling other responsibilities that need their attention.

But if in the end, you do find that your so-called friends are deliberately being cruel, it is time for new friends. If you are in a work environment that practices or allows managers to be malicious and cruel, it is time for employment elsewhere if possible. If not, there are ways to draw attention to unfair and cruel practices. But that is for a different blog.

How thick skinned are you? Are you able to hear and ignore? Or do you take things to heart? What methods do you use to avoid problems or solve the ones you can't avoid? 

A Yankee Rodent who shall remain nameless

So I'm wondering about this large, Yankee, rodent- which shall remain nameless-and just how much stock we southerners should put in its predictions. Because the other day, this large, Yankee, rodent, mammal, squirrel, what ever, was dragged out of its nice warm, (I guess) den and held out to see if it would see its shadow. Legend has it, if it sees its shadow then there will be six more weeks of winter. If it doesn't, then there will be an early Spring.

 On the day of the viewing or not of the shadow, I woke to rain. YES! That would definitely make it difficult for any big rodent to see any shadows. Not thinking clearly- since I had just arisen and not  partaken of any caffeine yet- and not remembering that the rodent was actually well above the Mason Dixon Line and it probably wasn't raining there. As it was, I was nearly giddy with relief as I am not a winter person. Cold temperatures and I are not friends, we're not even acquaintances. When people see me bundled up in sweats, coats, gloves, boots and hats and ask me what's wrong, I tell them, I- don't- do- winter. They're trying to tell me that its seventy degrees doesn't matter. If its Winter, its cold and I bundle up. I waddle, I struggle to do anything with those gloves on, buckling my seat belt is a challenge, but I deal with it. I hate trying to make sure I have firewood, and I hate even more having to ask my son to put wood on the porch or bring any in the house for the stove.

Snow is my nightmare. I have a four wheel drive vehicle, but ice skates were not an option. There is also the fact that living here, we rarely have snow to any amount which means unless you were born elsewhere and moved here, you don't know how to drive in snow. You can try to drive in it. You can show off your own four wheel drive vehicles as you careen into the ditch, across the field and down the embankment.

 Snow also brings out those who fear being trapped in their own home without bread and milk. I've seen reports where people in this area have cleared store shelves in record time. Piranha could take lessons from those people.

 But, to be honest, I love to watch snow falling, (as long as I don't have to go anywhere) covering the ground and hiding all the impurities. If we get enough you'd never know that James did not take all the trash the last time he went to the landfill. It changes the landscape and creates the different kind of beauty. It creates this special kind of quiet, muffling many sounds. It draws me out, dressed in winter wear to the point of barely being able to move, as I carry my camera and begin a hike through the woods. It never fails that I return to the house, cold to the point of shivering, soaked through and in need of help getting my boots off. Yet over joyed at having spent time in a beautiful landscape, that here is so very temporary.

  While, the common sense side of me understands that even this earth needs a time of rest, the stark landscape saddens me. I miss the flowers, bees, birds and butterfly. I miss driving with the windows down, the windows in my house open wide for that spring breeze. I miss and long for the walks in the woods, listening for deer and looking out for snakes.

  So do I really put any stock in a large, sleepy, Yankee rodent whose handlers said that it saw it shadow? Do I believe that a Yankee rodent can predict the weather, do I keep my coats and boots out or can I put them away?

  Especially when we have out own weather predicting ground hog right next door in Charlotte. Queen Charlotte was brought out and she........oh, Queen Charlotte, the large southern rodent, the rodent that was dragged from her warm (I guess) den and held out, saw her shadow. Queen Charlotte, has predicted six more weeks of winter. So I keep out my coat, I continue to dream of flowers and warm sunshine and pray that all the snow stays up with the Yankee Ground hog- who still shall remain nameless..because I'm too lazy to look up the spelling..

the beauty of beauty rest...

Thoughts of a sleepy deprived mind....

There are a lot of reports out there telling us how important sleep is, well, actually how important getting the right amount of  sleep is. The problem with that is I've read reports that tell us that the right amount is not some magic, one size fits all, number. As individuals we each need our own right amount and only we can decide what that happens to be. After thinking and pondering on it, I've come up with a good way to tell if you've got your right amount figured out...... or not.

If you are trying to get just a few more minutes rest and your back is screaming at you in pain, you've been in the bed too long.

If your mattress has a permanent, indent that is an exact shape of your body, you're staying in bed too long.

If your cat has actually brought you her food dish and is shoving it under your nose, and the dog is standing at the door whining pitifully, looking for all the world as if she has her legs crossed while pacing back and forth, you've been in the bed too long.

If your boss calls wondering where you are as you were supposed to be at work hours ago, you've been in the bed too long.

If the mail and paper carriers shove their deliveries through a small crack in the window of your bedroom, you're spending way too much time in bed.

But if, on the other hand, you find people coming up to you and telling you that you are walking the way they feel... as if you have an energy leak- you may not be getting enough sleep.

If your dreams begin happening to you during the day, you may not be getting enough sleep.

If you can fall asleep standing up, without support, you may not be getting enough sleep at night.

If, you have a tendency to suddenly and without warning fall asleep at the worst possible time, (meetings, church, movies, conversations with friends...) you may not be getting enough sleep.

If you haven't made your bed in days, because you've only barely been in the bed and definitely not enough to mess up the covers, you may not be getting enough rest.

If yawning is in competition with your normal breathing, you may not be getting enough rest.

If you are ill, cranky, angry, mean, shouts instead of talking, you may not be getting enough rest.

Our body does need a certain amount of rest. Sleep allows our body to regroup and recuperate. A lot of cool physical things goes on while we sleep, when we sleep, if we sleep..

But we tend to spend too much time watching tv, playing video games, online social media, friends, the list goes on and on in what we allow to prevent our getting enough rest. Who needs the stumbling, frustrating, embarrassing moments of when we are stumbling around fighting sleep?

Lack of sleep causes a loss of production. It produces bad quality work. It is unsafe. We don't get along as well with others. It prevents our body from taking care of itself as it would if we spent more time taking care of it and getting enough rest.